Something Always Goes Wrong
by HP-Forever-XX
Summary: The Marauders are planning something, and Remus Lupin wants to put a stop to it. He's a prefect now, and something, somehow, ALWAYS goes wrong in their 'pranks.' This time is no exception...


**Quidditch League Fanfiction Competition Season 4—Round 13**

 **Team:** Holyhead Harpies  
 **Position:** Captain  
 **Task:** Amortentia must have a major presence in the story

 **Word Count:** 2,727

* * *

 **Something Always Goes Wrong**

"What is _that?"_ Remus Lupin found himself asking as he walked into his dorm room that evening. Only when his three fellow sixth-year roommates (and somewhat reluctantly friends) weren't lounging around in the common room, as they so often were, did he know to suspect they were up to something.

Evening was drawing nearer, and the other three were all huddled around something, sat on the floor and looking deeply suspicious. They were only ever hauled up in their room when they wanted to hide something. Remus knew them too well. But just _what_ they were hiding, he wasn't sure.

And despite his impulsive question upon first entering the room, he wasn't sure he wanted to know.

"I'm not getting involved," Remus loudly declared, deciding it for himself. Some way or another, he _always_ got dragged into the other Marauders' ridiculous schemes and pranks. It had been fun when he was younger, but he was a prefect now, and he had a reputation to uphold. A reputation he _wanted_ to uphold. Best to make it clear he wanted no part from the off.

"How was the prefect meeting?" Sirius Black asked in a deliberately cheerful voice, avoiding both Remus' statement and his earlier question. Sirius had reclined from the huddle, leaning back on his elbows, oddly cocky.

"Fine," Remus said, regarding the boy with suspicion.

There was a heavy pause. Remus was still staring at Sirius, now with narrowed eyes, whilst the latter continuing grinning like the happiest idiot in all the world. _Goading him_ , Remus knew. Goading him into asking what they were up to.

But Remus wasn't giving them the satisfaction. He _wasn't_ getting involved.

James and Peter, on the other hand, both of whom were regarding whatever mysterious object they'd managed to obtain with deep curiosity and awe, barely acknowledged the exchange.

Sirius' grin, if possible, stretched even further. "Want to know what we're up to?"

Remus felt his lip twitch. "No."

"You sure?"

 _"I'm sure._ "

"Not even from a prefect's perspective?" Sirius continued to goad, knowing Remus' driving curiosity would get the better of him any second. "So you can feel reassured we're not doing some dangerous, or prohibited, or, _God forbid_ , illegal?"

Remus continued to hold Sirius' gaze, desperate to retain his nonchalant, indisposed demeanour. " _Is_ it illegal?"

It was James who answered. He finally looked up from the object in his hands, emitting an amused snort. "Of course it is!"

Remus felt his lip twitch again. _Of course it bloody was._ Why had he asked? He could have been oblivious to it all, and therefore held unaccountable when the other three undoubtedly got in trouble! Although, to be fair, Remus found it difficult to imagine either McGonagall or Dumbledore believing he'd known nothing about whatever hijinks his friends were up to. Somehow, (and hugely regretfully), he was always just as involved as the others were.

"Well, whatever it is you have, you know I have to confiscate it, right?" he asked, a slight edge of superiority.

Rather irritatingly, Sirius didn't look at all dissuaded. "Wrong."

"What?"

"I said _wrong_ , Moony. You can't confiscate something if you don't know what it is!"

Remus was taken aback. "Of course I can—you just told me it was something illegal!"

"Ah," James said, his grin echoing that of Sirius, "but maybe I was lying."

Remus didn't like where this was heading. In response, he merely narrowed his eyes.

"You can't confiscate it unless you know what it is, and we're not going to tell you what it is unless you agree to get involved," Sirius piped up with a wicked grin, still resting on his elbows.

"Oh, come on, don't look at us like that, Moony, you _know_ you want in on this," James goaded.

"I want to know what you're doing," Remus said stiffly, refusing to let them manipulate him, "not get involved with what you're doing." He focused his attention on Peter, the only one who hadn't said anything. He nearly always told Remus what James and Sirius were up to.

The mousy boy looked away, though, avoiding Remus' penetrative stare.

"Alright, alright, we'll tell you," James relented, far too excited to keep it to himself, despite Sirius' protests.

But Remus was still suspicious. "And I don't have to get involved?"

"You do," Sirius said.

"Up to you," James said over him. "But, knowing you, you'll probably say no."

"Boring," Sirius muttered under his breath.

Remus ignored Sirius, staring at James for any indication of double-crossing. When he found none (the boy seemed genuinely sincere), Remus sighed and joined them on the floor. "Alright," he said, appalled at his inability to keep out of things, "what's this all about?"

Sirius had pushed himself up from his elbows and was sharing a knowing and amused look with James.

"You wanna tell him, Pads, or shall I?" the latter asked.

"Nah, mate, let old Moony figure it out for himself."

James nodded thoughtfully, and without a second's hesitation, handed Remus a glass vial, an iridescent potion glimmering from within.

Something seemed to have dropped within Remus' stomach. "A potion?" he asked somewhat stupidly.

"Oh, ten points to Gryffindor," Sirius praised, rolling his eyes.

Remus ignored him and looked to James with that same anxious feeling. " _Poison?"_ he asked, now feeling outright panicked.

"Does it look like poison?" Sirius scoffed at the same time as James laughed and said, "Merlin, Moony, who do you think we are? _Poison!"_

Poison or not, Remus was no less concerned. Whenever potions were involved, their little hijinks always, _always_ went wrong. More often than not, Sirius, James, and Peter targeted Severus Snape and his 'friends' (Remus didn't necessarily condone it, but he found it somewhat more justified than other students), but he already felt uneasy about whatever they were up to this time. They were _seventeen_ , for goodness sake—when were they going to grow out of it?

"Just tell me what it is," Remus snapped, finally losing his patience. This wasn't a game anymore; it wasn't just a harmless prank. _They almost never were._

" _You_ tell us what it is," Sirius countered.

Remus looked at the vial in his hands in horror. "You want me to _drink_ it?"

"No," Sirius sighed, "I want you to smell it."

"But—"

 _"Here_." Sirius had snatched the potion from Remus' clutches, removed the cork, and was now thrusting the vial towards Remus who, though reluctant and still suspicious, eventually retook it.

Rather cautiously, Remus raised the now uncorked vial to his nose, the heavy aroma enveloping his senses almost immediately. "It smells like"—he glanced at Sirius—"It's Amortentia," he finished, a statement rather than a question, somewhat fascinated and then immediately angry. "For Merlin's sake, Sirius, put the cork back in and get rid of it!" he ordered, shoving the vial back towards him in disgust.

Sirius put the cork back in with an air of satisfaction. "Oh, don't worry, we certainly plan to get rid of it."

The prefect said nothing, trying to calm himself before he next spoke. It was no use trying to talk James and Sirius out of something—that only made them more determined to see things through. And whatever they were planning, it certainly wasn't going to end well. _It never did._

He tried to address them maturely, calmly, in the hopes they might _actually_ respect him. "I won't ask questions about where you got it, and I won't report it to McGonagall or Dumbledore, if—"

"Nice, thanks, Moony!" Sirius said.

"— _if_ you get rid of it straight away."

Sirius looked displeased, whereas James only looked more excited. "Sorry, mate, no can do, we've got big plans for this little vial."

And then it hit him. "Merlin's beard, James, _no!"_

The bespectacled boy, in turn, looked startled. "What?"

Remus was still horrified. "James, you can't!"

"I can't what?"

"Use it on Lily!"

There was a moment's silence in which all parties were so stunned by the statement that they could only stare and gawp as it sunk in. At which point Sirius then burst into howls of laughter and James looked like he either wanted to join him or else punch Remus.

"I'm not using it on _Lily_ , you idiot!"

Remus was a little unnerved by Sirius' continued howling. "But—"

James _was_ laughing now, but struggling to contain how offended he was by such an implication. "Who do you think I am? _What_ do you think I am? I wouldn't use a _Love Potion_ on Lily; I'm not creepy and desperate!"

"Well—" Sirius gleefully piped up.

"And besides," James said with a shrug, "who needs Amortentia when you've got devilish good looks, mad skills on the Quidditch pitch, and, of course, the legendary Potter charm?"

"Because _that's_ all worked so well in the past."

James ignored Sirius, sighed, wiped away a mirthful tear, and addressed a somewhat embarrassed Remus. "No, no, no, Lily's not my conquest tonight. Or, well, tomorrow, I suppose. At breakfast—to be precise."

James and Sirius once more shared a look. Peter couldn't help but feel like he was missing out. Remus couldn't help but feel he _wished_ he was missing out.

"Just stay away from, ah, the Slytherin table tomorrow morning," Sirius grinned.

"So what's your plan then?" Remus demanded, anger taking over. "Which harmless victim are you going to use this on? Snape, I'm guessing? What are you going to do? Make him fall in love with _McGonagall_? Humiliate him in Transfiguration by making him even creepier than usual?"

"Well, no, we weren't thinking McGonagall necessarily," Sirius said, eyes lighting up, "but that's a brilliant idea!"

"Sirius, I was joking! That is _too_ cruel."

"He'd deserve it," James said under his breath. "You're right; he's a total creep."

"James!"

"What?"

"No, right, okay, we promise not to use it on any teachers, alright?" Sirius said, taking on an oddly mature attitude.

But Remus was still perturbed. "Promise not to use it on anyone!"

"Ah," Sirius said, maturity instantly gone, "can't promise _that_ , exactly. You see, I paid a lot of money for this."

"Do you have _any_ idea how strong Amortentia is?" Remus asked desperately. "It's not just some harmless little Love Potion, it's _dangerous._ "

But that statement only seemed to incite more excitement in the other boys. "Well," Sirius said, "I guess we'll all find out tomorrow morning, won't we?"

* * *

Morning found the Great Hall packed full, the sun shining down through the windows, bathing the house tables in light, and Remus Lupin shaking his leg up and down beneath the Gryffindor table, nervously sipping his pumpkin juice. He had his eyes trained on the Slytherin table across the hall, waiting for any indication of even the slightest disturbance.

Sirius, by his side, and James beside Sirius, were also watching the Slytherin table like a hawk, only with much more excited temperaments.

"As soon as you do whatever it is you're doing," Remus told them in a low, urgent voice, "I am telling McGonagall _everything._ "

"Relax," Sirius dismissed casually, "whatever happens will be a laugh."

Remus shook his head in disbelief. "One day, Sirius… One day, you'll go too far. And somehow the tables will turn and you'll know what it's like from the other side."  
"Is that a threat?"

"No! I'm just _saying_ —"

"Guys, shut up," James hissed. "It's about to happen.

Remus looked up in alarm. "You do know I'm not going to let you actually _do_ anything, right?"

"Oh, Moony," Sirius laughed, turning to face his friend. "Oh, Moony, Moony, Moony."

" _What?"_

James, too, couldn't contain his smirk. "D'you think we'd really go ahead with this _ourselves_ when we knew you'd be stuck to our sides preventing us from doing anything?"

Remus had a similar feeling of dread to that which he always felt during the lead up to the full moon. "What do you mean?"

Sirius, still smirking, took a sip from his goblet, feeling triumphant. "We sent Wormtail."

"You—did— _what—_?" Remus spluttered.

"And oh, look," James said cheerily, "here he is!"

Sure enough, Peter Pettigrew was tottering towards the Gryffindor table looking immensely proud of himself. Remus found his eyes drawn to where he'd come from over on the other side of the Hall by the Slytherin table, particularly to where a hook-nosed boy with greasy black hair was sat with a subdued sort of grimace.

"Did you do it?" Sirius asked eagerly as Peter approached.

"Peter, for Merlin's sake, tell me you had some sense and didn't!" Remus begged.

Peter looked at Remus a little startled and then to James and Sirius with great triumph. "Yep."

"Yes!" James exclaimed, punching his fist in the air. "Now all we do is sit and wait for Snivelly to fall madly in love with someone and humiliate himself."

"James!" Remus was protesting, though his pleas fell on deaf ears. "This is just cruel. This is—"

"Keep your voices down," Sirius ordered. "We don't want old Snivelly to look over here and fall for one of _us._ "

"Oh, _God_ , no," James said, suppressing a shudder.

"So how did you do it?" Sirius asked Peter, the latter of whom looked thrilled to be such a vital part of their plan. "Did you distract him and then slip it in his drink? Did you offer him a goblet of pumpkin juice?"

"Of—what?" Remus asked in confusion, curiosity overriding his continued resentfulness and concern about the situation.

"We put the Amortentia in a jug," James explained, "and transfigured the colour to resemble pumpkin juice. You know—so it doesn't look suspicious."

"Transfigured the smell as well," Sirius piped up proudly.

Remus hated to admit it but—it was a rather well-thought-out plan. _But something always went wrong._ "So how _did_ you do it?" he asked Peter, the anxiety stirring in his stomach once more.

"Well," Peter shrugged, "I just… gave it to him."

"You—what?" Sirius asked, stunned. "And he didn't see?"

Peter looked confused. "Of course he _saw._ "

"Wormtail, you idiot!" James burst out. "He's not going to drink it if he saw you put something in his goblet! The only reason we sent _you_ is because you'd draw the least attention. Subtlety was the key!"

Remus felt like, at the suggestion of their plan being butchered, he should have felt relieved. And yet somehow, he felt even more dread. _Something always went wrong._

Peter looked overwhelmed and even more confused than before. "You told me to give it to him!" he protested. "You told me to give the jug to Snape!"

James and Sirius stared, wide-eyed, in complete horror.

"We told you to give him the _potion_ ," Sirius said in an unnaturally shrill voice. "As in, _slip_ him the potion—so he drinks it!—not _give_ him the potion as in hand it over!"

Remus had dropped his head into his hands. Why, _why_ , hadn't he just confiscated the potion from them when he'd had the chance?

"You mean to say you just marched over there and handed Snape a jug of supposed pumpkin juice?" James demanded.

Peter almost looked like he might cry. His thrill at being so involved had quickly dissolved, (as had his chances of ever playing such an integral role in one of their plans again).

"Did you even _say_ anything?" Sirius asked.

"I… err… I told him it was from you…"

Both James and Sirius brought their hands to their faces in sync.

"Why?" Sirius groaned. " _Why_ would you say that? Of course he wasn't going to touch it!"

"I panicked!"

"Well, where is it now?" James demanded. "What did Snape do with it?"

"He just pushed it away in disgust…"

"Yeah, and?" Sirius prompted. "Did you pick it up? Did you bring it back?"

Peter looked scared enough to faint. "I…"

"Are you telling me," Remus asked, initial shock over and desperate panic setting back in, "that there is a jug of Amortentia—the most _powerful_ Love Potion in the entire world—sitting over on that Slytherin table disguised as pumpkin juice, which absolutely _none_ of us can possibly distinguish between the other hundreds of jugs of pumpkin juice in this hall at this very moment!?"

Peter let out a noise that was so small, so shrill, that it was no more than a squeak.

And then Sirius swore. Loudly.


End file.
